Post by david on Oct 28, 2008 22:00:04 GMT -8
I despise the little guys who, with lust and greed in their eyes, scramble up my walk and shove already overstuffed bags in my face demanding more sugary lucre.
When they look with loathing at the meager portions I mete out, I want to cry, “The trick’s on you, you little monsters. Don’t you know that sugar kills?”
Costumed cretins currently consume more than 100 pounds of that poison every year. A century ago the average American ingested only 5 pounds annually.
The average Halloween hold-up artist pours more than that tonnage on their bed, mid-evening, before heading out for a second bagful.
Sugar-elevated insulin levels depress the body’s immune system; raised triglyceride levels are linked to cardiovascular disease; and eating sweets high in sugar often leads to rapid weight gain. Duh!
So let’s celebrate sweet gluttony. Give it a holiday. Make the quest for obscene quantities of confectionary the single goal, and measure success by the pound – in the bag tonight and around your child’s (or grandchild’s) middle next week.
Americans are expected to spend about $2 billion for Halloween candy – about a third of all candy sales for the year.
Why not consider non-candy handouts such as toothbrushes and dental floss? Other alternatives could include pencils, shoelaces, crayons and a host of zero-calorie toys and trinkets that celebrate the Halloween theme without giving in to the sins of surplus sugar.
Twenty-first century Halloween ghosts wouldn’t be caught dead in a sheet from Mother’s linen closet. No, parents who love their kids are expected to shell out anywhere from 10 to 50 dollars – and more – for commercial costumes, including hair coloring, face paint, artificial blood and other extras. Costume sales, even in the current depressed economy, will probably exceed five billion dollars.
Halloween is traditionally a day for telling scary stories.
Lately, the scariest stories are about poisoned treats, and tricks gone bad. There have even been reports of drug-laced candy being handed out to unsuspecting children.
In an attempt to wring something positive out of this night of debauchery and excess, the “Trick or Treat for UNICEF” program was initiated in the ‘50s. Proceeds averaged a measly $2 or $3 million each year – a pittance compared to $2 billion for candy and 5 more for costumes. Two years ago, however, UNICEF discontinued the collection program because of what were termed “safety and administrative concerns.”
In Tennessee, the probation and parole board has issued restrictions that bar sex offenders from participating in Halloween festivities. Similar restrictions have been imposed in other states. The America Civil Liberties Union, predictably, is defending the felons’ right to hang around while kids bob for apples and walk the streets after dark on October 31.
For years, churches and schools have sponsored well-supervised parties in an effort to reduce or eliminate door-to-door meandering.
City councils around the nation have passed Halloween ordinances that put limits on trick-or-treat hours, occasionally changing the date to avoid Sunday or school nights.
Some have also placed restrictions on costumes in an effort to ensure that those who are dressed up can see clearly and that others are able to see them.
Some ordinances are just plain silly…literally. In 2004, the city of Holly-wood banned the use of Silly String on Halloween night. Violators face a $1,000 fine and six months in jail.
The colorful novelty product was found to be a threat to public safety; officials said it was being used as a weapon, adding that empty cans were littering the streets, clogging storm drains and creating harmful environmental impacts.
The city typically deploys 300 extra police to target troublemakers, now including citizens caught carrying colorful string.
A recent Gallup poll indicates that about 30 million Americans object to Halloween on religious grounds. Most of the rest – about two thirds – gleefully or grudgingly pass out goodies to the little monsters each year.
Few adults reported attending Halloween parties or wearing costumes. Adults who do seek such festivities fall mostly in the 18 to 34 age demographic.
Nearly half of young adults continue carving pumpkins to celebrate the holiday. That number drops to one in five for those over 55.
Speaking of pumpkins, prices are plumper this year. Supplies are plentiful, but production and transportation costs have risen.
One farmer estimates that higher fuel prices have added a dime to the cost of producing the average pumpkin. Similar increases accrue to the middlemen who transport the vegetables to market.
In some communities, Jack-O-Lantern enthusiasts are paying a dollar more for each orange orb than they did a year ago.
So, we’ve got razor blades in our candy apples, meth in our taffy, perverts, pedophiles and stalkers lurking behind bushes and in the shadows. Kids are putting on weight and becoming more susceptible to illness. Parents and homeowners are bearing a growing financial burden; and city workers have a mess to deal with every November 1st.
What’s not to love?
Some may protest that eliminating this holiday would trash tradition. They wax nostalgic about how much Halloween has meant to earlier generations.
But the meaning of the word “treat” is very different to a generation consuming two pounds of sugar during weeks there is not a Halloween. And, Going door to door after dark is very different in an era where people don’t know their neighbors’ names.
We’re living in an age of gluttony and excess. Halloween serves as a metaphor for greed and gratification. It’s time to admit that there is really no difference between the trick and the treat – neither is likely to result in positive outcomes.
Go ahead with the foolishness, if you must; but my porch light will be turned off on October 31st; and I refuse to buy an ounce of candy or contribute in any way to the observance of a pagan holiday that has outlived any usefulness.
To Hell with Halloween.
When they look with loathing at the meager portions I mete out, I want to cry, “The trick’s on you, you little monsters. Don’t you know that sugar kills?”
Costumed cretins currently consume more than 100 pounds of that poison every year. A century ago the average American ingested only 5 pounds annually.
The average Halloween hold-up artist pours more than that tonnage on their bed, mid-evening, before heading out for a second bagful.
Sugar-elevated insulin levels depress the body’s immune system; raised triglyceride levels are linked to cardiovascular disease; and eating sweets high in sugar often leads to rapid weight gain. Duh!
So let’s celebrate sweet gluttony. Give it a holiday. Make the quest for obscene quantities of confectionary the single goal, and measure success by the pound – in the bag tonight and around your child’s (or grandchild’s) middle next week.
Americans are expected to spend about $2 billion for Halloween candy – about a third of all candy sales for the year.
Why not consider non-candy handouts such as toothbrushes and dental floss? Other alternatives could include pencils, shoelaces, crayons and a host of zero-calorie toys and trinkets that celebrate the Halloween theme without giving in to the sins of surplus sugar.
Twenty-first century Halloween ghosts wouldn’t be caught dead in a sheet from Mother’s linen closet. No, parents who love their kids are expected to shell out anywhere from 10 to 50 dollars – and more – for commercial costumes, including hair coloring, face paint, artificial blood and other extras. Costume sales, even in the current depressed economy, will probably exceed five billion dollars.
Halloween is traditionally a day for telling scary stories.
Lately, the scariest stories are about poisoned treats, and tricks gone bad. There have even been reports of drug-laced candy being handed out to unsuspecting children.
In an attempt to wring something positive out of this night of debauchery and excess, the “Trick or Treat for UNICEF” program was initiated in the ‘50s. Proceeds averaged a measly $2 or $3 million each year – a pittance compared to $2 billion for candy and 5 more for costumes. Two years ago, however, UNICEF discontinued the collection program because of what were termed “safety and administrative concerns.”
In Tennessee, the probation and parole board has issued restrictions that bar sex offenders from participating in Halloween festivities. Similar restrictions have been imposed in other states. The America Civil Liberties Union, predictably, is defending the felons’ right to hang around while kids bob for apples and walk the streets after dark on October 31.
For years, churches and schools have sponsored well-supervised parties in an effort to reduce or eliminate door-to-door meandering.
City councils around the nation have passed Halloween ordinances that put limits on trick-or-treat hours, occasionally changing the date to avoid Sunday or school nights.
Some have also placed restrictions on costumes in an effort to ensure that those who are dressed up can see clearly and that others are able to see them.
Some ordinances are just plain silly…literally. In 2004, the city of Holly-wood banned the use of Silly String on Halloween night. Violators face a $1,000 fine and six months in jail.
The colorful novelty product was found to be a threat to public safety; officials said it was being used as a weapon, adding that empty cans were littering the streets, clogging storm drains and creating harmful environmental impacts.
The city typically deploys 300 extra police to target troublemakers, now including citizens caught carrying colorful string.
A recent Gallup poll indicates that about 30 million Americans object to Halloween on religious grounds. Most of the rest – about two thirds – gleefully or grudgingly pass out goodies to the little monsters each year.
Few adults reported attending Halloween parties or wearing costumes. Adults who do seek such festivities fall mostly in the 18 to 34 age demographic.
Nearly half of young adults continue carving pumpkins to celebrate the holiday. That number drops to one in five for those over 55.
Speaking of pumpkins, prices are plumper this year. Supplies are plentiful, but production and transportation costs have risen.
One farmer estimates that higher fuel prices have added a dime to the cost of producing the average pumpkin. Similar increases accrue to the middlemen who transport the vegetables to market.
In some communities, Jack-O-Lantern enthusiasts are paying a dollar more for each orange orb than they did a year ago.
So, we’ve got razor blades in our candy apples, meth in our taffy, perverts, pedophiles and stalkers lurking behind bushes and in the shadows. Kids are putting on weight and becoming more susceptible to illness. Parents and homeowners are bearing a growing financial burden; and city workers have a mess to deal with every November 1st.
What’s not to love?
Some may protest that eliminating this holiday would trash tradition. They wax nostalgic about how much Halloween has meant to earlier generations.
But the meaning of the word “treat” is very different to a generation consuming two pounds of sugar during weeks there is not a Halloween. And, Going door to door after dark is very different in an era where people don’t know their neighbors’ names.
We’re living in an age of gluttony and excess. Halloween serves as a metaphor for greed and gratification. It’s time to admit that there is really no difference between the trick and the treat – neither is likely to result in positive outcomes.
Go ahead with the foolishness, if you must; but my porch light will be turned off on October 31st; and I refuse to buy an ounce of candy or contribute in any way to the observance of a pagan holiday that has outlived any usefulness.
To Hell with Halloween.